The little boy crouches with his bucket on his head. He moves his hands to his waist. Unknowing to him this will be the stance that he will become accustomed to for his favorite career. That the stance he loved to be in would lead him to succeed in the sport that gave him the most joy. Another thing that he never thought would fade away was the smile from ear to ear that never seemed to leave his face. He never knew about all the horrors of the world. He didn’t know that even if you do all you can to avoid judgment it will hunt you down, corner you, and break you down until there is nothing left but the shadow of what the society wanted you to be. Even still after you have become what it wants it still finds something wrong with you. He never knew that there are girls that can take your heart, girls that can take your dignity, but he met a girl that took his sanity. He never thought that she could take his friends, his social life, and everything he ever worked for and still not be able to be angry at her at all.
Cold: Work on clarity. I wasnt sure who you were talking about in the beginning.
ReplyDeleteWarm: I can picture you or your friend standing in a squat position ready to go.
Cold: I agree with emma. I could see some of the things that you were saying but some of the things I didn't really see where you were going with it. Clarity the only thing that I can see wrong.
ReplyDeleteWarm: I love how you started the piece! It was really good.
I'm guessing that this is a picture of yourself and if that is true i like how you talked in 3rd person. but you should trying working on clarity
ReplyDeleteVery descriptive detail! more clarity in the beginning of the piece would help as well like emma said.
ReplyDelete